Ever. I shudder at the thought. I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe I can find someone perfect who wants to come over twice a week and watch my terrors for six or seven hours so I can still work part time. My boss said she'll keep me on the payroll book until Sept, when she knows I'm headed for CT, so hopefully things will just magically happen. I mean, come on, things just happen for no reason, right :)
Anyway, I've started having those hormonal dreams, you moms know what I'm talking about. I had one the other night that I delivered and we headed home, never mind that we had a puppy instead of a baby. Sill named him Warren, and Ava and Scott were just as excited, and me and Nick didn't mind at all. Which is odd because I sort of HATE dogs. But whatever. Then I had another one where I had him, but it was Ava, and it was my first again, but instead of being a train wreck, total disaster like it really was, it was smooth sailing. So that was a nice one.
Which got me thinking about how different both of my experiences were, and wondering what this one would be like. With Ava, I (obviously) didn't expect the section, but I think I recovered super fast, and so that wasn't as issue at all. I spiked a temp the second day, buying me a total of five days in the hospital, which was horrible at the time, but great in retrospect. Those first five days are a killer on your body!!! Then when we got home, I just cried for twelve weeks. I burst into tears one night at a res truant because no one told me how cute she was. I sobbed once when I put her in her crib because I thought that she was too small for it. Same thing with the swing. I cried on the way to Wal-Mart for no reason. Poor Nick! And, naturally, Ava cried all this time too! I mean, come on! Every time I got upset, so did she. And I never noticed the connection, until Nick finally sat down with me one night and said "Jennifer. You have got to calm down." And then I did. And so did she. And that very night, she slept thru the night! WHEW!!!
Then with Scott, it couldn't have been any different. Had him early on a Wed morning, bounced out of my bed that night, left the hospital early Friday, still hadn't shed a tear! He only cried when he was hungry, literally. He slept four hours at a stretch from day one, and he started sleeping thru (we're talking twelve and thirteen hours here) right around six weeks. Don't believe me, that's your choice, but my lips to God's ear, this is the truth. And I just fell right into a great routine of having two kids, like it was nothing. All those women who say it's so much harder going from one to two than it is to go from none to one, you're crazy!
But what will happen on Feb 25th? Will I be an emotional nightmare? Will I finally get one of those babies everyone else gets that doesn't sleep and cries a lot? Will it be harder to recover from this section? Will Nick finally get fed up with me and just throw in the towel (my worst nightmare?) Will Ava hate me for having ANOTHER baby? It's not even a question with Scott, he already hates me for even getting pregnant. How will we all fit in our house?
So yeah. It's my last day of work, I have all four chairs full, and I'm crying because I'm so scared. Thank God, I know all four of my patients and three of them are mothers and being very sympathetic. At least there's that. Pray for me, everyone, please. I need it.