Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Terribe Mother

I don't think I can be a mother of three. I'm just too tired! I know (at least, I hope) that most of this exhaustion is pregnancy related, but still! I mean, I can barely get off of the couch. I just lay there while the dishes stack up in the sink, the laundry piles up in our bedrooms, and Ava and Scott try to kill each other. How can I add another kid to this mix?!?! I am in a COMPLETE PANIC.

And then there's the work situation. I know that a lot of women feel called to stay at home and take care of their little kids. I do not feel this calling! I love my job, I'm seeing people thru the toughest period of their lives! And nursing is non-traditional, it's not like I'm working five days a week and only see my babies for two hours a night before I put them to bed. I see them all the time. It's just not logistically possible to tweak both mine and Nick's schedules to keep me at the hospital a few days a week. So I'll be staying at home. Where I'm too out of control to do any good!!! AUGH!!!!

What am I going to do? I am literally panicking! And sooner or later (SOONER!!!) Nick is going to be back out to sea and I'm going to be a SINGLE MOTHER OF THREE! PROBABLY OF FOUR!!! How am I going to do it? What was I thinking?

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