Monday, June 28, 2010
So, I found it on ebay. For 0.99 cents. And I "sent the seller a question" just to make sure he'd ship it to me, even though his listing specifically said that he would do international. Well, he never got back to me, so when the auction was just about to end, I went in and bid on it. I got this message: transaction blocked. Unfortunately, this seller has decided that you are not permitted to bid on their listings. You may contact the seller via the Ask Seller Questions feature if you want additional details.
So I contacted him, explained why I needed the fish, and asked him to unblock me so I could buy it. No response. The auction ended, and no one bought it. Because it's a stuffed Nemo, and no one else on the planet wants it. So he relisted it, and I tried again. Same story. I contacted him again, no response. Auction ended. He relisted, I'm still blocked. I contacted him, offered him twenty bucks plus shipping, told him I wasn't some crazy scam artist trying to steal his stupid Nemo. He finally responded. Wanna know what this a-hole said? He said "Hello, If you are blocked from bidding there is a reason for it. Thank You."
What the hell is wrong with this guy? What, I'm not good enough to buy his stuffed animal??? He's got it listed for a DOLLAR!!! And no one is interested!!! And I offered him TWENTY!!!
I don't get it! And of course, it's making me absolutely FURIOUS!!! Seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? It's Nick's ebay account, he's got a perfect track record, no complaints. This guy is ruining my day!!!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
So today, we were over at a friend's house. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I have made a friend! AND, I went over there in sweat pants and a teeshirt, with no makeup on. She's THAT sort of friend! Anyway, I'm sure you can see where the story is going.
Ava let her friend cut her hair. And yes...she now has BANGS! BANGS! I'm literally wailing the word right now, BANGS!!!! It's horrifying! Absolutely horrifying, I'm absolutely devastated. I KNOW it's just hair, and that in a few months it will grow out, but it's BANGS ya'll. BANGS. And let's be honest, it's gonna take at least six months to go grow three inches. And what the heck am I supposed to do with it until then? Blow dry it back? She's afraid of the blow dryer. Headbands? Maybe, but it's too short for that right now!
And I just spent a small fortune on HUGE southern girl bows, the big ones ya'll. And now my daughter has BANGS.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I hate to fly because I'm afraid that the pilot is going to go to high, and we'll get sucked out of the earth's atmosphere and into space.
I'm also afraid that while on a plane, I'll go into a psychotic break and wrench open the emergency exit door and jump out. I'd probably be alive the whole way down, until I splattered like a watermelon on the ground.
In the splattering-like-a-watermelon vein, I used to be TERRIFIED that, while walking around the Macarthur Center mall in Norfolk and carrying one of my kids, I'd trip and fall and somehow manage to plunge said kid over the railing, where he or she would plunge three floors to his or her watermelon-splattered death.
I'm afraid that my kneecaps will somehow become dislodged from their little joints and fall off. I cannot have ANYONE touching my knees, even the baby, for fear that the slightest touch will send the kneecap flying off.
I can't go scuba diving because I'm afraid of getting crushed under all that water. This is what that guy at lunch that day was laughing at me about. BUT, in my defense, water is REALLY heavy. I mean, you've carried a gallon of milk, that's pretty heavy right? The ocean is like a hundred bajillion gallons. That's heavy. NO THANKYOU.
I have to take a valium before I got visit Nick on the boat, because I'm convinced that there will be some sort of emergency and the crew will slam the hatches shut before I can run away and they'll dive the boat right away and then I'll be trapped in a tin coffin under all those bajillion gallons of water.
When I was younger, I was afraid that if I laid on my side, I'd break my ribs. I've pretty much gotten over that one, but every now and then I get a little squirmish if I'm on my side on a hard surface, like the living room floor.
I can't pee in a dark bathroom because I'm afraid of snakes in the toilet. And honestly, now that I'm in Guam and surrounded by lizards, I no longer consider this one 'irrational.'
I'm terrified of electricity. I don't understand it, and every time I plug in ANYTHING at all, my heart races for a few seconds because I know, without a doubt, that this is the end, I'm going to be electrocuted to death. It's slightly less intense when I flip a light switch. This keeps me on edge for most of the day.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just the tip of the iceberg.
So tell me. I already know that most people aren't there aren't like me, at least not too too much. But come on, I can't be the only one who's afraid of stupid things. Right?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
"Can we go somewhere? Like to the store, or to a party?" she asked.
"Well, ah, not really," I stammered. I've spent more than Nick's entire paycheck since he left. I've been a shopping FIEND. "But we can play here!"
"No, I wanna go to school."
"Are you sure? We could have fun here..."
"Oh, I have way more fun at school."
So off we went. Scott isn't having any of it, so at least I've still got him. He doesn't get upset on Mon Wed Fri when we do go, but he is ADAMANT on Tues and Thurs when I ask him if he wants to go, he DOES NOT. So he's laying under the table with his tools, fixing things. Ahh, Scott.
So I dreamed all night last night about moving into base housing, and now that's all I can think about. I'm completely torn, I can't decide if I want to move or not! The point is actually moot, because they still don't have a house for us, but since I like to worry, and there's nothing else going on right now, this is what I'm worrying about. Should I stay or should I go?
The houses are nice, and big, but they're not as big as this. We'd gain a fourth bedroom, but we'd lose our cavernous playroom. We'd gain central air conditioning (that we DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR) but I'd lose my beloved gas stove. I know that this sounds stupid, but ya'll have no idea how much I HATE electric stoves. And it's not even an old electric coil burner, it's one of those flat top things. I double hate those things. So even though that one seems like a no brainer- free air vs a gas stove- it's not. I really really like gas. We'd gain a two car garage, but we'd lose our huge, shaded backyard, fenced in backyard and storage shed. And with no downsides, we'd gain: an actual community, full of teenage babysitters and other wives and kids, nicely paved streets with sidewalks where I could go for a walk without fear of boonie dogs or roosters or child thieves after my iPod.
Biggest downside? We'd have to move ourselves. Totally. Box it all up, and drag it over, then unpack it all again. All by ourselves.
What to do? What to do? It seems like I should want to move on base. It just seems the most logical. But I just can't help thinking about how I send those kids out back all the time, alone, knowing that they're safe in the fence. And we'd be screwing our landlord over too- she put in an alarm system free of charge and raised the rent to cover it over three years (we get a certain amt of money for rent, and if we don't spend it all, we don't get to keep the leftover, so it didn't matter to us one way or the other.) But I'm sure it matters to her.
So that's what's on my mind today. Doesn't that piss you off, that for someone out there, the toughest decision for her is whether to leave one great house for another? I know. It's ridiculous. And trust me, I'm very grateful for my charmed life. But we do pay a price for our easy life. Don't forget my husband is out there somewhere, under goodness knows how many pounds of water, in a windsheildless submarine with no phone or internet. Harder for him than me, yes, but I feel like I'm paying a bit of a price too.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
This is the sight I woke to this morning. He gets up super early lately (I think because he needs to pee and it wakes him up nowadays) and plays quietly until he's on the verge of starvation (one would think) and then he bursts into my room to get me up and running.
So this morning, I went into the pantry to get some cereal (you didn't think I was one of those moms who COOKS breakfast, did you? haha) and this is what I saw. Now, bear in mind, we have a baby gate on our pantry. It was still latched. He crawled under it. With that head? That musta been pretty tight, I would have been terrified! But alas.
Now, at first sight, I just rolled my eyes, thinking Ahh, well, that's Scott for ya. But then when I got the camera, I noticed that it's a perfect pattern. Two reds, a black, two reds, a black. He's only three!!! Does this mean he's going to be one of those MIT computer programmers who never has a girlfriend and lives in my basement playing online fantasy games until I die when he's thirty, leaving him alone and unable to function in society? Ugh.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
But THIS book, this book seemed right up my alley. The review said it was about the military engineering some sort of virus (hello, The Stand) and the apocalypse happens, and then you flash forward a hundred years to see what happens next. That's totally my favorite type of story!!!
Remember when The Postman came out, with Kevin Costner? And everyone hated it and laughed at it, and no one liked it and everyone thought it was so stupid? WEEEELLLL, I for one, have always loved that movie. I love post apocalypse movies, all of them. I own that movie, and I probably watch it four or five times a year. It's a great story! And hello, Ford Lincoln Mercury? That's some funny sh**, I don't care who you are.
So anyway, this book, The Passage. The virus was some sort of Very Slow Aging thing (sounds even stupider typing it out, trust me) and they use death row inmates to test it on (because you know, those are usually pretty trustworthy guys) and when the crapola hits the fan, they seem genuinely surprised. So it's The Stand, plus a lot of I Am Legend (which I also loved), with a little bit of 28 Days Later (not AS scary, but it's been a little hard to turn it off and fall asleep) but also something completely unique and beautiful. The characters are AT LEAST as good as the best of ANY Stehpen King ensemble cast, the action is nail biting, and, best of all?
It's on my ereader. So I can't flip to the end!!! I LITERALLY have no idea how it's going to end. This is so much fun! OHHH, how I wished I hadn't read the ends of all those other books. My greatest regret in life.
Anyway. Nick's gone for a month, give or take a few weeks, my house is in shambles, I burnt my dining room table and cried for hours, my kids hate me because all I ever do is yell at them, but I don't even care, because at least I'm not huddling under a spotlight, praying it doesn't go out so that the vampire-virals can't get me. So, it could be worse.
Read. This. Book. Now.
So, in summary: READ THIS BOOK! I can guarantee that it's going to get picked up for a movie. It won't be a good adaptation, because it's too long, and so so so character driven, but it's gonna happen. You just remember where you heard about it first.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I don't know if people are lying to us about this whole alleged "rainy season" or what, but it has seriously rained a GRAND TOTAL of about twenty six minutes. Since we got here. Three months ago. So the lawn is pretty much dead, all those precious beans are withering away, and the pathetic herbs in those pots never even stood a fighting chance...
No problem with the mangoes though. Mangoes, apparently, do not need rain. They'll just fall on Ava's head for the rest of our lives.
The tomato plants also don't seem to mind the drought. Do you have any idea how ironic it is that for the past eight years that I've been married and futilely attempting to 'make a home' I have been growing BILLIONS of tomatoes? Literally, billions. I DON'T EAT TOMATOES!!! That's just not fair.
This is the start of my herb garden. Sigh. Who needs that much basil? I have no idea. What I need is cilantro, which is one of those empty pots in the garden garden, and thyme, which is...
...down here. And obviously not looking so great.
We don't know what to expect from this. The little packet said "salad lettuce" when we bought it. Supposed to be a bunch of different kinds. I, for one, expected HEADS of lettuce, not just a bunch of leaves. But who knows, maybe they taste good. Gotta be better than spending six dollars for a bag of Fresh Express that just rots in the produce drawer, right?
Now, if this guy down here doesn't make your mouth water, you're not invited to my birthday. And trust me ya'll, that is an INSULT. It's like the mack daddy of telling people off. For instance, Ava will scream across the house "I HATE YOU!!! YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!" It's serious.
But back to this. It's going to be (one day, hopefully, fingers crossed) a bell pepper. Red or green, it'll be a surprise. I love them both dearly, but I'm secretly hoping for red. I love them just a teeny tiny bit more. Don't tell green.
This is the back of the house. Wouldn't that look good with some sort of flowering shrub? I grew up in Mississippi, so I'm partial to an azalea bush...but I don't know if those will grow here. I don't actually know a single thing about gardening at all, despite months and months of buying my trusty Better Homes and Gardens.
Monday, June 7, 2010
I read this girl-that-I-went-to-nursing-school-with's blog and it depresses me to no end. She decided to do her babies back to back, like I did with Ava and Scott, so that they'd be seventeen months apart. Only difference is she got twins the second time around. So she's got three babies under the age of two. And she like drives all around town doing fun things, does these elaborate art projects with the older girl, makes homemade cookies from scratch, sews matching dresses for the girl, makes homemade peach ice cream with fresh produce that she gets from her local farmer's market, and they went camping one weekend! With three babies!!! Ugh. And she never mentions it, but I'm sure she takes a shower every morning and does her hair and makeup and gets dressed. And I doubt she leaves her high chair trays (all three of them!) on the counter with lunch caking itself into a rock hard mess. And she seriously probably never screams at her kids to JUST CLEAN THE FRICKING PLAYROOM!!!!!!!!
So a lot of the time, reading her blog, I'm really inspired and envious. Not today. Today I'm just jealous and grouchy. It's this heat. I hope. I hope that's what's got me in a foul mood.
Oh yeah, I remember why I'm in a foul mood! Remember ten years ago, when they invented the iPod and everyone who was anyone got one? Well, I got mine last month, and I instantly fell in love with it. Definitely see what all the hype was about. So I put ALL my music in that sucker, and threw out all my CDs and Nick hooked it up to work in the car. The radio stations here are REALLY bad. Like, REALLY REALLY bad. So everything was perfect. Until last Wednesday, when someone stole it, right out of my car!!! Can you believe that? And the worst part? No one even feels sorry for me, because I never lock my van doors. I seriously cried. At first, I thought Nick had taken it, to like scare me into locking my doors. He swears he doesn't have it.
So, I had to order it on amazon (I want the cheaper one without the video camera and all that, so I have to find it used, because apparently the marketing people at iPod are pretty savvy with that sort of thing and no longer sell older models that do the same thing for less money) and they won't ship electronics out here. Ugh. So Aunt Michelle, if you're reading this, I sent an iPod and three Max and Ruby CDs to your house.
And now my baby just walked down the hallway with a pink razor in his mouth. Ouch. Bet that girl with infant twins and a not-even-two-year-old would never have let THAT happen.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Here's two of my favorite guys. I hit the burst button and got twenty nine shots of this same shot. What is wrong with me?!?!