So I haven't been keeping up with the blog lately. Or the laundry. Or dishes. Or housework in general. Or the whole children-rearing business. I have been reading a lot, and watching Glee on netflix. And sleeping a lot. I dunno. I'm not in a funk, like I was when I first got here...I just can't seem to get a handle on my time. I feel like I'm just struggling to tread water. And I AM, I'm keeping my head above the water here, but I'm like...not making any forward progress. Does that make sense? I mean, it's so much better than back when I first got here and I was SOOO overwhelmed and depressed, but still. It'd be nice to feel like I'm making that forward motion, you know? I want to be doing more than just SURVIVING this life. I'd sorta like to be ENJOYING it, you know?
Anyway. I tricked Ericka into keeping the boys for me during gymnastics yesterday (haha SUCKER!) so I got to take some pics of my little gymnast. You know, gymnastics wouldn't be such a horrible pain in my ass if I felt like she was really enjoying it. She just LOVED gymnastics in Connecticut, and I think she sort of expected Margaret to be HERE in Guam when she started, so I think she was a little disappointed when Margaret never showed up. And she's younger than everyone in her class, so that's a little weird too. I dunno.
Yeah. See her teacher? Imagine how great it makes me feel to come and see her in her little shorts and spandex pants and tank tops, while I'm expanding at the ridiculously rapid rate of a woman carrying quintuplets. But she seems nice. I guess. Whatever. We all know I hate skinny people on principle, so whatever.
Speaking of my poor darling firstborn. Poor Ava. She bears the brunt of my raging scream fests, just because she's old enough to understand. And it's usually Scott who's done something, then Ava joins in at the last second. It's so hard to remember that they're practically the same age. He's such a baby that I find myself treating him like a baby and expecting Ava to act like a twelve year old. In an effort to cut down on my spankings, I've become one of those behavior chart moms. Ugh. She's doing pretty well with it. She's trying to earn this little Pet Shop thing. I have a feeling it's going to take her a LONG time to get it :(
So, I want her to act like a twelve year old, but I also treat her like a baby. It's confusing, even to me. Especially to me! I was at Brandi's the other day, and Lee comes inside, goes into the bathroom, takes off all his clothes, takes a shower, gets out, dries off, gets dressed, and comes back to the living room. All by himself. He's FIVE MONTHS older than Ava. When Ava needs a bath? I undress her, put her in the tub, wash her, lift her out, dry her off, and put her jammies on her. Then I brush her teeth and comb her hair. And she still uses a sippy cup exclusively.
And to top off her dramatic life, her two friends at school have decided that THEY are now best friends, and no longer friends with Ava. WHAT?!?!?! Seriously, this is something I have to handle at FOUR YEARS? I thought this was more a problem for twelve year olds!!! Ugh. I don't even know what to SAY. I told her that maybe she could be friends with someone else, and she said no one else wants to be her friend either. Then Scott pipes up with "well you can be a friend with your teacher!!!" all proud of himself. I'm literally crying right now. Why, why oh WHY, did she have to inherit MY social skills!!??!!?? I mean, Nick is MR. SOCIAL!!! Why can't she just have that natural talent like him? Of all the things that I wished for and prayed against, my social skills were right at the top of the list, just under "don't get cancer." It's THAT important to me.
Ugh. Blogging usually makes me feel better, but now I just feel worse. And, of course, Nick has duty, so I'm sans adult interaction until tomorrow afternoon. How fair is that?