Thursday, August 19, 2010

Rambling Woman

So I haven't been keeping up with the blog lately. Or the laundry. Or dishes. Or housework in general. Or the whole children-rearing business. I have been reading a lot, and watching Glee on netflix. And sleeping a lot. I dunno. I'm not in a funk, like I was when I first got here...I just can't seem to get a handle on my time. I feel like I'm just struggling to tread water. And I AM, I'm keeping my head above the water here, but I'm like...not making any forward progress. Does that make sense? I mean, it's so much better than back when I first got here and I was SOOO overwhelmed and depressed, but still. It'd be nice to feel like I'm making that forward motion, you know? I want to be doing more than just SURVIVING this life. I'd sorta like to be ENJOYING it, you know?

Anyway. I tricked Ericka into keeping the boys for me during gymnastics yesterday (haha SUCKER!) so I got to take some pics of my little gymnast. You know, gymnastics wouldn't be such a horrible pain in my ass if I felt like she was really enjoying it. She just LOVED gymnastics in Connecticut, and I think she sort of expected Margaret to be HERE in Guam when she started, so I think she was a little disappointed when Margaret never showed up. And she's younger than everyone in her class, so that's a little weird too. I dunno.

Yeah. See her teacher? Imagine how great it makes me feel to come and see her in her little shorts and spandex pants and tank tops, while I'm expanding at the ridiculously rapid rate of a woman carrying quintuplets. But she seems nice. I guess. Whatever. We all know I hate skinny people on principle, so whatever.

Speaking of my poor darling firstborn. Poor Ava. She bears the brunt of my raging scream fests, just because she's old enough to understand. And it's usually Scott who's done something, then Ava joins in at the last second. It's so hard to remember that they're practically the same age. He's such a baby that I find myself treating him like a baby and expecting Ava to act like a twelve year old. In an effort to cut down on my spankings, I've become one of those behavior chart moms. Ugh. She's doing pretty well with it. She's trying to earn this little Pet Shop thing. I have a feeling it's going to take her a LONG time to get it :(

So, I want her to act like a twelve year old, but I also treat her like a baby. It's confusing, even to me. Especially to me! I was at Brandi's the other day, and Lee comes inside, goes into the bathroom, takes off all his clothes, takes a shower, gets out, dries off, gets dressed, and comes back to the living room. All by himself. He's FIVE MONTHS older than Ava. When Ava needs a bath? I undress her, put her in the tub, wash her, lift her out, dry her off, and put her jammies on her. Then I brush her teeth and comb her hair. And she still uses a sippy cup exclusively.

And to top off her dramatic life, her two friends at school have decided that THEY are now best friends, and no longer friends with Ava. WHAT?!?!?! Seriously, this is something I have to handle at FOUR YEARS? I thought this was more a problem for twelve year olds!!! Ugh. I don't even know what to SAY. I told her that maybe she could be friends with someone else, and she said no one else wants to be her friend either. Then Scott pipes up with "well you can be a friend with your teacher!!!" all proud of himself. I'm literally crying right now. Why, why oh WHY, did she have to inherit MY social skills!!??!!?? I mean, Nick is MR. SOCIAL!!! Why can't she just have that natural talent like him? Of all the things that I wished for and prayed against, my social skills were right at the top of the list, just under "don't get cancer." It's THAT important to me.

Ugh. Blogging usually makes me feel better, but now I just feel worse. And, of course, Nick has duty, so I'm sans adult interaction until tomorrow afternoon. How fair is that?


  1. :-( SAD! Okay, the girl drama... it's everywhere and yes, it started at 4 years old for us too. In kindergarten, we had these two nit-twits that would tell Her Highness daily, "You can play with us until lunch, then we need some alone time!" What in the world is that about??? But, after many crying fits of my own, threatening Bert that I was going to call their mothers and give them a piece of my mind for raising such BRATS, Bert convinced me that it was good for her to learn to deal with this crap. And, I have to say, he was right. Now in 2nd grade, she will start to tell me stories about mean girls and will say, "So I just played with Debbie instead." And she shrugs it all off like she seriously doesn't care. And, I've witnessed several times where she's been a super sweet friend, and I'm sure it had to do with all my lectures on, "Well, just try and always remember how that made you feel, so you can be a good friend to others and not act like those girls."

    About the gymnastics... before you ever said anything about her teacher's looks, I was thinking, "Maybe she's afraid taking gymnastics there means some one's going to snatch her up and give her implants!" For real, she's probably afraid while flipping she'll smack into those things! Yikes!

    And last.... I'm so sorry you're stuck in a rut of sorts. It really stinks. Cut yourself some slack though. You've got a major hormonal roller coaster that you're stuck on for at least the next year. That's a big part of the problem. You are creating a human after all! So, take it easy and let the house work wait. It will be there tomorrow!

    Hope you feel better soon. Wish y'all were closer so Ava could play with us!! And I would be more than happy to watch your boys while she's at gymnastics! What's two more in the muddy backyard??

  2. As always, I agree with Holly! I remember being in preschool and having mean girls treat me like that and it SUCKED. But I think telling Ava that they ARE being ugly and it's not nice and that she is BETTER than that is okay.

    Aubrey told me the other day one of her friends said something ugly about Emma, that she was "evil" and who the Hell knows what Emma was actually doing but that is her BABY SISTER and I want her to stick up for her. SO, I told Aubrey to tell her "friend" to shut up. Exact words. Aubrey's mouth fell open...and she was like MOMMA! The S word??

    So I would tell Ava she doesn't WANT to be friends with mean girls and to play with the boys if she needs to...

    those mean girls I went to school with? One of them died of a drug overdose and the other just got a divorce b/c she cheated on her husband AND just got arrested for possession of chit.

    And I think we all KNOW what a fine specimen I turned out to be!! So tell Ava I said to tell those girls to suck it!

    And also, you are excused from taking a step forward until Baby #4 is 2 years old. It takes that long to get things under control...