So I gained about a pound this week. Actually, a little over a pound, as long as we're being honest here. Any chance the baby gained the entire thing? Something tells me no...but here's hoping. I fell off the wagon this weekend with the eating out, and then I've just been so hungry!!! I mean, we're talking HUNGRY here. But I guess the point is that when you're hungry, you're supposed to eat an apple or a banana or a chicken sandwich. Not a pack of Halloween reese's cups. Oh well, trying not to get too bummed. After all, my real goal is to go to my next appointment (the week before Thanksgiving) having not passed the one ninety mark from last time, and with a negative gestational diabetes test. The former (the not gaining weight) is my own selfish goal to not be a lard ass. The latter (the no-diabetes) is because I don't want my baby to be a fatty who drops her obscenely high birth glucose after she's out of my giant, sugar-infested body and has to stay in the nursery drinking sugar water or on a drip while I recover in a room all alone with no baby to make the pain worth it.
Eyes on the prize, right?
So yesterday was Ava's actual birthday. We kept it pretty low-key since we'd already had her party and all. We made cupcakes (I ate two!!! That's ten points!!! And I ate frosting straight out of the jar, Lord knows how many points THAT was!) for her to take to school, and we went out for snow cones after dinner. I gave her a stack of birthday cards (that was LITERALLY the only thing she wanted- cards in the mail. When we first moved here, it was right around Scott's birthday and coincidentally, he got a card every day for about a week. Apparently she became OBSESSED with that. When I handed her the stack, the first thing she says is 'did I get more than Scott?' I HATE this competitive stage she's in!!!) But, as low key as it was, it was still a birthday. And it still means that I have a five year old.
I've been a mother for five years.
How's that possible?
At the same time, I had her about a year after I joined the Navy, and let me tell you, THAT seems like a lifetime ago. I can't even believe that actually happened. I'm so caught up in the day-to-day of stay-at-home-motherhood, I can't believe there was a time when I got up (at four in the afternoon!) got a shower(without Warren opening the curtain to make sure I was still there, that I hadn't abandoned him through some secret trapdoor in the bathroom floor!) got dressed in something other than Nick's old workout shorts and a very unflattering tank top that really shows my flab, and went to work to do something important, that used my brains and my mind and my judgement and my overly expensive college education.
Today, I laid in bed listening to the baby (I need to stop calling him 'the baby') cry, hoping Ava would wake up and go entertain him for a few minutes while I just laid there for ONE MORE SECOND. I didn't even have the energy to put the frozen waffles in the toaster, so I dumped some cereal in little plastic cups so the kids could sit on the couch and eat it and watch this STUPID crap on the Disney channel called Chugginton. Now, on a side note, I don't have a problem with most toddler shows. I like Oso, I love Dora, I can tolerate Mickey Mouse and Handy Manny. But Chuggington? That show is THE WORST. It's swim class day, so no preschool. The boys will probably stay in their jammies until we leave for the pool at eleven. I'll get some awesome read time for the hour while they're in class and Warren plays in the baby pool, and hopefully that will jolt some life into me. Then we'll hit McDonalds (if they're good listeners in class, which the teacher always says they are even with when I KNOW they're not) come home and I'll lay on the couch while they play and I count down the minutes till two when I can throw them all in bed and try to motivate myself to work out, but in reality just lay on the couch and watch Grey's reruns on lifetime. Nick has duty, so once they get up, I'll either nuke some leftovers or make pancakes for dinner, then play outside till bathtime (ugh) and we'll all go to bed at eight.
I used to deliver babies. I used to help people recovery from surgery. I used to maintain chemo infusions. I used to make a difference, all day, every day. And this is what I do now.
No wonder I eat a pack of Halloween reese's in one sitting. Wouldn't you?!?!?