So on New Year's Eve, when we were laying in bed (at nine thirty) I told Nick I couldn't think of any New Year's Resolutions. How pathetic is that? I mean, you're supposed to make all these plans to be a better person and then feel bad when you don't accomplish it, but to not even be able to THINK of anything to do? That just seems really bad. So, I scoured the internet, seeing what all the bloggers I stalk are resolving to do. And I still came up with ZIPPO!!!
Here's what other people are doing:
Spend less money. Well, I don't want to do that. I like spending money, that's just dumb. And seriously, what are we going to cut out, groceries or diapers? Really? So that's a dumb one, not gonna do that.
Lose weight. Gimme a break, I'm so sick of 'losing weight.' Gah. And I'm hungry. In fact, I'm starving. And my beloved ob seems to be on leave until after I deliver, so screw it, I'm not even going to try to keep it under two hundred anymore! Why bother, if I can't show her how awesome I am? Blah. So, not gonna sign up for that resolution either.
Be a better mother. Okay, fine, I should probably sign up for that. Or at least put "yell at kids less." But, I'm six years pregnant, my back is killing me, I'm hormonal and consistently in a TERRIBLY FOUL mood, so unless my kids are also going to resolve to stop being a bunch of loud, obnoxious idiots, I'm not taking on that one either. So there.
Get more organized. Another one I should be doing, but screw that too! I have invested so much time and money and effort and blood and sweat and tears into 'getting organized' that I just can't do it anymore. The things that I need to be organized are organized exactly the way I need them to be. So that's good enough for me.
Drink less. Even aside from being pregnant for the past six years, I don't drink. So that's a moot point. You know, like a cow's opinion.
Watch less TV. I already did that, since tv now sucks. So I'm good there, the shows I do still watch are too good to give up.
Read more. Read more what? I already read everything I want to. When Harry Potter 7 came out, I seriously thought that my reading life was over, that I'd literally NEVER find another good book to get lost in. What an idiot! It's that whole "I lose all sense of perspective when I'm in a tough situation" dealio. Of course there are still good books out there. The library here SUCKS ASS though, so maybe I can put start fundraising to get rid of the card catalogue system and ink stamps for due dates at the library on my list. But that sounds like a little too much work for me, you know?
Learn a new skill. Learn a new skill? Seriously? Like, what are we talking about here? Knitting? Basket weaving? Gimme a break, I'm not doing that. Maybe I'll take become a better photographer or try more new recipes or learn the tricks to use my Mac (ROBIN!!! WHERE'S MY HELP!!!) Those are 'skills' right? So let's put those on.
Make new friends. Ugh, that's so much work. It just seems easier to nurture my mostly-in-my-head relationships with Computer Holly and Instant Message Angela. You know? I can 'socialize' with them in my jammies while I watch Kathy Lee and Hoda, so there's that.
Sigh. So really? What, I just don't want to be a better person, or what? I don't get it! Why don't I have this drive for betterness that everyone else has? I mean, really, the best I can come up with is 'stop screaming at kids' and 'learn how to spend even MORE time on the computer'? That just doesn't sound right.
Make my bed every day, that's one, right? Oooh, unload the dishwasher in the mornings, instead of bitching all day about how much it sucks to unload the dishwasher? Does that count? But Nick has been doing that every day (thanks baby!) so I guess I can't even put that. My life is so boring. I mean, really? Nothing? I have NOTHING to resolve to do? I just don't get it. All ya'll normal people, what are you driven to do? Maybe I can just copy you...