Friday, May 20, 2011

Brothers and Sisters

 Well I think it's no secret that I wanted four girls.  Four blonde girls with slightly curled hair and either deep blue or hazel eyes.  When I got knocked up with Ava, I knew she was a girl.  I don't care what anyone says, I really did know.  And she was PERFECT, and she still is.  And then when I got pregnant so soon with just never dawned on me that it wouldn't be a girl.  I mean, not at all.  The thought of having a boy truly never even entered my mind.

When the tech said "It's a boy!" I literally burst into tears.  Nick was so excited, and I was nothing short of devastated.  Completely devastated.  Even after I delivered that chunky little bundle of rolls and smiles, I still held out hope that it was a mistake, someone would laugh and call out "Oops! It's a girl!"  But they never did, and of course I fell in love with that guy and I can't imagine life without him.

Then I got pregnant with Warren.  And I KNEW it was a boy.  I just knew.  And when the tech said it, I still cried, but it wasn't as devastating because I knew that I COULD learn to love a boy.  If it happened before, it could happen again.

And it did.  And now I've got two boys who make my life so much more fun! So much messier, and stinkier.  I hear "Hey mama, I just farted!" at least ten times a day.  Every day.  I get shot by lego guns, and get my head sawed off with a piece of construction paper folded to (not really) resemble a saw.  I deal with hands in pants and diapers, and dirt, and mud, and obsessions with power tools.  And I get to take pictures of my sons (my SONS, hey Past Jenn, did you ever DREAM you'd say MY SONS?) playing their little video game thingies, one of them dressed like a normal guy and one of them wearing a Dora Princess dress up shirt.  You know, variety IS the spice of life.

HOWEVER, as much as I grew to love those little boys...if that ultrasound tech had said "It's a boy!" with Daisy June, I probably would have lost it.  Honestly.  I don't know if other women don't feel this way, or they do and they don't admit it, but I WANTED a girl.  I didn't say 'oh, I don't care, as long as it's healthy and happy." I did care.  I wanted a girl.  I NEEDED a girl.  Ava needed a sister.  I can say with ninety five percent certainty that if they'd said it's a boy, or even in the OR they'd said "Ooops, we were wrong, it's another boy!" I wouldn't have ended my having-babies years.  I would have tried again, and probably again and again, for a girl.  I wanted a girl!!

But I think God must have known that four is enough for Team Engelbrecht, and it really is the perfect size for our family.  And this...I finally get this.  Sisters.  Further apart than I wanted, and that scares me SO much, but alas, there's nothing I can do about it.  I have a set of sisters, and I could NOT be more content.

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