I have a lot on my mind. Why not share with the four of you, right?
-Is anyone willing to admit to how much television their kids watch? That and McDonalds are really my only TRUE forms of MamaGuilt. I pretend to feel a deep sense of guilt about yelling at my kids all the time, but honestly, they sort of grate on my nerves and are super naughty and deserve it. So yeah, I feel guilt for losing my temper, but McDonalds and tv are the real kickers. We usually watch a stupid NickJr show in the mornings (usually Franklin while I'm sleeping on the couch and mumblings that I should be packing lunches) and if I'm at my wit's end, we watch a tape in the van on the way to and from school. And then on days like today, we're watching Tangled after school (we listened to the radio on the drive, so that's something, right?) because I have a terrible headache and I don't feel like dealing with them. But they're not really watching, they're running around like a bunch of buffoons while the TV makes noise in the background. So Tangled it probably extra and not normal, but it probably happens at least once a week, more as the weeks with No Daddy stretch out. Then, we'll watch the Backyardigans while I make dinner, then another show after baths before bed.
Phew. I feel better already. This is probably what people feel like after they go to confession. Not that I'm trying to downplay confession or anything, I'm not trying to be offensive this time. Anyway. I know they watch too much, but I try to tell myself it's okay because they're watching NickJr instead of Hannah Montana, but really, is there a difference? And no one else ever comes clean, so I don't know if my kids are watching more or less than regular kids. Sigh.
-I read an article the other day in Good Housekeeping (yes, I get the irony. I read Good Housekeeping EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. Cover to cover. I cannot currently see my living room rug due to the toys, clothes, blankies, burp rags, cheerios, and juice boxes on the floor.) and it was this mother "confessing" a bunch of stupid stuff that lead me to believe she not only had one single child but she also had a full time nanny. BUT one of them did hit my heart: "Sometimes, I just vacuum up the Legos." I have, on NUMEROUS occasions, picked up Trio blocks and Little People and just dropped them in the trash rather than walk them ALL THE WAY to the playroom. Double sigh.
-A while back my friend got me the numbers for some maids services, sort of like Merry Maids. I think. I don't actually know. Because I'm too embarrassed to call them. Not because I don't want to spend the money, or I think Nick will have a problem with it, but because I'm afraid the Wives will find out. They all stay home too, and as far as I know, not one single one of them has EVER had to call a maids service. And every time I've ever been to ANY of their houses, there's never been a single thing out of place, let alone an entire box of Lucky Charms ground into dust under the table. I'm also scared that whoever comes will hate me, she'll think "what in the world is this crazy howlie doing calling a maid while she stays home all day watching reruns of Law and Order?" I want to tell this fictional woman to mind her own business and just take the money I'm offering, but I'm too scared to say anything to her.
-I'm sending Warren to preschool starting in July. I feel TERRIBLY guilty about it. I stay at home!!! I don't work, I don't bring in ANY money. At the same time, if I wasn't counting down those days until he could start, I'd be checking into the fifth floor. I really would. It's not even that I want him out of my hair, because I really don't mind hanging out with him. It's that he needs to learn to SIT STILL. He needs to learn to listen when people talk, and that every shape out there isn't an oval. And yes, I understand that that's my job, to teach him these things, but I just can't. I'm too tired, if he wants to think they're all ovals, I really don't even care. I'll only send him on Monday Wednesday Friday, but the guilt is still there. Especially because I have yet to find a preschool out here that will let you pay for just three days a week. It's five or zero.
He will not even been twenty nine months old when I boot him out the door.
-Junebug smells like sour milk and vinegar. She started drooling (she's as bad as Ava was, which I didn't think was possible) and she sleeps on her belly, in a plastic lined pack and play. So she drools all night, it doesn't get absorbed into anything, she rubs her face all in it all night, and then she smells. And I can't do her bath in the mornings (mornings here are NOT GOOD) and usually by nighttime I can't even walk, let alone bathe her. She's lucky to get a bath every three days. Please don't call social services. If anyone out there is now apprehensive about babysitting her for me, I swear I WILL BATHE HER BEFORE I DROP HER OFF. I pinky promise, I will find a way. Swear to God, she'll smell as sweet as can be.
-Ava now rolls her eyes when I tell her something she doesn't want to hear. Scott hit Warren in the face with a train and gave him a bloody nose last night. Warren bites hard enough to leave a CSI dental impression on their flesh if they get too close. At Scott's four year check up, the doctor (whom I can't stand anyway) asked me what the scar on his belly was. Idiot. It's a PERFECT dental impression! He is either dumber than I thought, or he took some sort of pleasure in hearing me say it.
-Speaking of that moron, I am now accepting applications for candidates desiring to keep The Jaw for Junebug's four month check. I took him to her two, and he was sweet, but when it was time for her shots, he LOST it. He just could NOT handle that. He didn't seem to care when I told him to knock it off, HE wasn't the one getting the shots. I guess it hurts just as much to see your little sister get stuck as it does to get stuck yourself. I haven't made the appointment yet, because I'm hoping if I put it off, that moron will be booked and I can get the one I really like, And on that note, does anyone know how to change primary care physicians? I don't want to hurt his feelings or get him in trouble, but he's a captain and a butthole and he's just not a good fit for Team Engelbrecht. I want my NP from Portsmouth. She's in Bremerton now, think the Navy would fly me out there for their checkups? Anyone?
-The mess finally got to me. So I went outside. Did you think I was going to say I picked up? You're funny. And one last confession, if I don't time my showers right, when the big kids are at school, Warren usually watches another hour of TV by himself so I can wash the stench off of me.