Thursday, December 8, 2011

Drugs not Hugs

The world famous author, Robin Wiley O'Bryant, got me thinking last night about hugs.  Yes, hugs.  Now, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and please, if you've tried to hug me in the past, this post is not my revenge.  I just DON'T like to be hugged.  At.  All.  I'm not autistic or any of those other sensory processing disorders, but I do not like to be touched.  I don't mind a light fingertip graze, like on my (clothed) shoulder, to get my attention, but I do NOT like a full on embrace, especially the kind people always give you when they say goodbye.

I snuggle my children to death.  I 'wore' all of my babies, especially Warren.  None of them are sitting in bed banging their heads against the wall due to lack of nurturing physical contact, I swear.  I hug my mama, and frequently, when we're in the same hemisphere.  And obviously Nick and I can't keep our hands off each other.  I mean, we HAVE had four kids in less than six years, har har.

But if we all go out to dinner, even my CLOSE friends, and we're saying goodbye and heading to our cars...I don't want a hug.  I just don't.  I don't know why, and I'm one hundred percent sorry that I can't share this with you, but it's just not comfortable for me.

There are, of COURSE, exceptions to the rule.  The first one that comes BLAZING to my mind is when we first got off the plane here, after twenty seven hours of travel time, twenty three of them actually spent ON a plane.  I'd been talking to Mindy for months via email, and she basically held my hand and walked me thru the entire Moving-to-Guam charade.  So when I saw here waiting over by baggage claim, I basically tackled her in a bear hug and started sobbing.

I also would typically hug patients that I was close to, or their family members.  And even if I couldn't stomach a hug, I was ALWAYS willing to hold a hand.  Always.  I remember an eighteen weeker we had when I did my stint in L&D and I all but crawled into bed with that woman.  We literally held each other for what must have been at least half an hour.  Which is big for me.

So there, it's out.  I just felt like I needed to confess.  I had this friend in VA who was a serious hugger, and I know I probably hurt her feelings beyond repair every time I would dodge her arms, but I never sacked up and just told her it was uncomfortable for me.  And I really regret that, because I really think that might have been easier on her.  Maybe not, who knows.

I have self diagnosed myself with sever social anxiety disorder.  I'm positive I've told ya'll that before on this here bliggity blog.  It sucks, but it is what it is.  One of the worst parts of this quirk is pizza.  In VA, when I wanted a pizza, I could get online and order it, pay for it, and include a tip.  So when the guy rang the bell, I could just snatch it from him, avoiding all contact, and slam the door in his face.  Big surprise? You can't order pizza online in Guam.  You basically cannot do ANYTHING online in Guam.  AND no one texts, so you have to actually TALK to people.

The latest tragedy? I'm trying to get the boys into a preschool in Hawaii.  I can't TALK to people, so I have to email, multiple times, beg them to email me back, wait and wait, finally get the email, forward it to Nick, and beg him to call.  No, not really, I don't have to beg.  He knows how hard it is for me.  He really is amazing.  I think he worries that I'm going to pass these quirks on to the kids, but so far he hasn't said anything about it.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest.  With the holidays, the Huggers are out in full force, and even people who don't typically Over Hug seem to want to get in on that action, so please, if you see me and try to hug a greeting, don't be too offended if I cringe away.  No one here wears long sleeves, and I sure as hell don't, so it'd be skin to skin hugs and I just can't do it.

That is all.

Except for this. It's my current Favorite Christmas Song of the Year.  Even though I'm pretty sure it's from 1994.

Now, I love O Holy Night as much as the next gal. But this song...this song...there's just something about it. I think it's the choir. I've never been in a church big enough to have a choir like this, except Nikki's church, and her choir was amazing, but it didn't have this sound. To get the full effect, you've got to listen to the whole thing, so you hear when she and the choir finally sing together.

You're welcome.


  1. i'm so glad you posted this! i am SUCH a hugger but i've recently found out that 3 of my friends (including you) are NOT! i will try to control myself around you next time :)

  2. You need to go ahead and start mentally preparing yourself to hug me. Because it's going to happen.