Tuesday, February 28, 2012

One Year Old

No, I didn't forget that one ENTIRE month ago today, my fourth and final child turned one.  I didn't forget that I will never again cuddle a 'newborn' who grew under my heart.  I didn't forget that I'll never again feed my own flesh and blood a bottle as she sighs softly to sleep in my arms, her long delicate fingers weaving in and out of my faded Auburn tee shirt.  It didn't slip my mind that I'll never run to the commissary ten minutes before showtime because I forgot that all important pink 1 candle.  That this is it, my days of having a baby are over.
Sometimes, my camera just gets it right.


And this OF COURSE didn't make me remember that I will never again have the excited nervous knot in my stomach as I wait for that second pink line.  That I will never again lay (lie?) in bed, wondering if that slippery jump I just felt was gas or my tiny little miracle kicking for the first time.  I'll never again feel a life that I created stretching and turning from side to side, content to stay put even though I want nothing more than for her to GET OUT.  I'll never again have to rush to the hospital in the middle of the night even though I've recently changed my mind and I want her to stay put even though she wants to GET OUT NOW.  I'll never again lie (lay?) in a cold room, on a cold table, looking up at the shapeless blur that I think is my husband as we wait for that cry, that first cry, that HEY I MADE IT cry that just doesn't sound like anything else in the entire planet.  I'll never again struggle to stay awake through the meds as they show me a burrito of blankets with squishy squinty eyes and announce "No, seriously, this is your baby, we swear."

So yeah.  I didn't blog about Junebug's first birthday.  Because I was busy having a nervous breakdown and googling 'tubal ligation reversal success rate.'  It's about sixty six percent, in case you're interested.

BUT... four kids is a lot.  And four c sections is a lot.  And I'm pretty tired.  So I think I might just hold off for a while.
And I'm pretty sure I got the best four kids the universe has to offer.  Anything else would just be second fiddle, you know?

If you want to remember how Daisy June joined Team Engelbrecht, take a peek at this squishy eyed little miracle right here.


  1. Man, this one made me cry! Happy (and slightly depressing) month after your birthday Daisy June!

  2. so sweet. good job, mama! you're pretty awesome. and your kids are, too.