Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Weight Check Wednesday...And an Update on the Crazies
Down two pounds this week!!! Wow. I don't get it. That brings my grand total to 27.4. In thirteen months. Trying to be positive, but if I'd have known how LONG it was going to take me to lose this baby weight, I might not have eaten those bags of Halloween candy when I was pregnant. Or the cartons of ice cream. Or the chocolate shakes from McD's. Every night.
So down two pounds!!! I'm still chugging through the Ripped in 30 dvd and it is NO JOKE. I started week three yesterday and I almost died. And I can only do about half the work. I was laying on the floor dying this morning and Ava says "Mama, how come you're not doing what they're doing?"
Uh, because I'm having a seizure. Shut up and bring me that bag of Hershey kisses.
Yeah. I'm not one of those lucky people who want to eat well when they work out. Nick is, when he runs and does his Insanity, he wants to eat Greek yogurt and cucumbers. When I walk to the mailbox, I feel like I deserve a Snicker's bar. Hmph.
I also wanted to update you on my crazies. All this last year (three years) I knew I needed help. I truly did. Ever since Robin told me it wasn't exactly normal to be convinced that my baby was dead while I was at the library, that's when I knew I needed help. But I didn't know anyone else who took meds. I thought in the back of my mind that I was too good for meds, I was stronger than that, I wasn't going to take the easy way out. If I'd been following a blogger who maybe talked about it...maybe I would have gotten help sooner.
Um, that's sort of crap. Plenty of people reached out to me. Normal people, helpful people. I just didn't have my shit together. Regardless, I want to put it out there, in case someone stumbles across this blog looking for a little help. So that's why I delve into the personal details. It's not because I'm addicted to oversharing.
Although I sort of am.
So I've been on zoloft for over a month now, two weeks on 25mg and then I doubled to fifty, and I feel good. I gotta admit, not as amazing as I sort of thought I would, but still good. I can't lie, I kinda hoped it would give me more hours in the day, make me have more money and cuter clothes, make Scott mind me, and make Warren a little less dirty...
It hasn't done any of that. But I feel much calmer. I haven't cried in over two weeks. Except for when the wind caught the car door down at the volcano and it slammed into my arm, but that REALLY hurt.
I've taken it at night from the get-go. For the first five days, I slept horribly. Well, horribly for me. I'm a sound sleeper, and I can crush thirteen or fourteen hours when Nick lets me. The first few days, I tossed and turned a lot, and woke up multiple times a night. I considered switching to taking it in the mornings, but it really does make me sleepy. So that wasn't going to work. A month later, I think it's pretty much worked itself out, although I got up at four this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, which NEVER happens to me.
I got heartburn one night so bad that I considered going to the ER for help. I had heartburn with my last three pregnancies, and that was bad, but this was ten times worse. It was like on tv, when the guy has a line of fire down his throat. I thought I might die. Moral of the story: if your meds say take with food or milk, TAKE WITH FOOD OR MILK. I now take it with a dixie cup of skim milk (I hate milk) and I also take a zantac every day. I probably don't need to, and I'll stop soon, I just don't want to chance that horrible fire again.
Also, if your meds say don't take with alcohol....don't take with alcohol. I went out with some girlfriends about two weeks after I started, and granted, I've always been sort of a lightweight, but I got SO drunk, SO fast, it was UNBELIEVABLE. I'm not much of a drinker, so it's not that big a deal for me, but watch out. It might affect you more than you'd think.
What else...oh, I had a headache for the first three days, but that's gone now too.
So, the side effects were slightly scary, but definitely worth it. It's nice to feel calm. Yes, my life is still hard, this is a tough season. I have a six year old, a five year old, a three year old, and a one year old. But I don't think they're dead when they're not with me anymore. When Scott dumps out every single lego we own, I no longer think life is over and I'm the worst mother in the history of ever. I still don't want to talk to strangers. I still don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. I still have to order my pizza online to avoid talking to the guy. I still have to rely on Laura to figure out what we need to do for summer camp. But. The idea of having to do that stuff, having to talk to strangers and the pizza guy and the summer camp people...it doesn't make my heart race. It doesn't make me break out in a cold sweat. I don't want to do it, but I feel like, if I had to, I might could try.
And that's a huge step for me.
Engelbrecht out. Hope this might help someone one day.