Thursday, November 15, 2012


I got confused yesterday.

Surprising, I know. First, the holiday for Monday threw me off because Nick was home, so we went to the beach, so it felt like a Saturday.  Then, he had duty the next day, Tuesday, even though he typically has duty on a Wednesday.  So all day yesterday, I thought it was Wednesday.

7:55- turned right after I dropped the big kids off at school to take Warren to preschool.

Warren doesn't go to school on Tuesdays.

8:05- finally get the car turned around and headed away from preschool and I realize I'm driving towards the Air Force base, where I teach in the toddler room for Bible study.

On Wednesdays.

I could go on and on.  But basically, I thought it was Wednesday all day.  That's really all there is to it.

So Thursday mornings is Trash Day, so last night, I emptied all the garbage cans and raked up all the tiny shreds of paper in the playroom and took them out, and emptied all the leftovers out of the fridge, and dragged the big smelly centipede hiding trash can down to the curb.
It's the only can out there (obviously) because it's Wednesday, not Thursday, but for some reason I refuse to drag it back up.  I don't know if it's a pride thing or a lazy thing or what, but when I pulled up to my house today I thought I should pull that in, everyone is going to think I'm so dumb for putting it out a day early.

Then I thought No way, I'm not dragging that all the way back up.  That's at least eleven feet!! Besides, if they think I'm dumb for bringing it out a day early, how dumb am I gonna look when I drag it back UP now, and then back DOWN again after dinner?

So now I'm sitting on the couch telling you all about my trash can saga.
Guess what else I've decided? Everyone is dumb.  All my life, people have told me what a bitch I am.  It's never really bothered me because, let's face it, I'm a bitch.  But I always thought it was a little odd that people thought of ME as a bitch, but all these other bitches I know? No one thought anything about them!!

But I figured it out!! All these other bitches ONLY say bitchy things to a select few people!!! THAT'S the difference!!!

If I'm with Patty and Patty is icky and gross and mean and I hate her...Patty knows.  I like to think I don't TELL Patty all these things, but if I truly don't like someone, she knows.  I would feel bad to discover that Patty was SURPRISED to hear that I don't like her, because I feel like I owe it to Patty to be honest and not pretend that she's awesome when she really sucks.

But, for example, if I'm with Patty and Beth, and Beth is super sweet and nice and she and Patty are getting along swimmingly and everything is roses and everyone loves Beth because she's JUST SO NICE and then we get home and Beth spends twenty minutes telling me how much she hates Patty and she wishes Patty would step out in front of a mass transit bus and do us all a favor...then I'm the only one who thinks Beth is a bitch like me!!!

See what I mean?!?! Now poor Patty thinks everything is just fine and dandy, but really Beth is talking about her behind her back and she has no idea!!!

Obviously, I'm not saying that everyone should be a bitch like me.  Being honest and abrupt is difficult, and it makes for a somewhat lonely life, and I totally understand that most people aren't interested in living like this.  HOWEVER.

If you have a problem with Patty that Patty doesn't know about it, for the love of God, don't come over to my house and tell me about it.  Because even though I think Patty is lamesauce, I get VERY uncomfortable when Beth wants to talk about her behind her back.  Just because I'm a bitch to her face does NOT mean that I want to talk about her behind her back so that Beth can still feel like a nice person.

Ava got stung by a man o' war at the beach Monday and (big surprise) this really pisses me off.  The sign saying they were out was REALLY small, and I didn't even notice it until AFTER she got stung.  Those things can kill people!! I got stung by a jelly fish in Virginia, but it was NOTHING like this, so I googled it, and man o' wars are TOTALLY different and deadly and her leg is all red and gross and welted and hurts and just breaks my heart.
She's fine, other than being extremely uncomfortable, but it makes me think nonstop of this article I read in Real Simple a few years ago.  This lady went to like Fiji or Tahiti or Thailand or something on her honeymoon and her husband got stung by some sort of seriously deadly jellyfish and he died right there in the water.  Can you IMAGINE?!?! Becoming a widow on your honeymoon? It was awful, I was angry for weeks after I read it because it affected (effected?) me so much.  Good writing always does that to me, sneaks up on me forever after, often when I least expect it.

Bet this post isn't that sort of writing ;)

That stupid Hocus Pocus that my dad made me read is like that, I think about that story at LEAST once a week, usually more like once a day.  Ugh.

That reminds me, I should let ya'll know what I've been reading lately.  I'm sure you won't be able to sleep tonight, what with the suspense and all...

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