Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Stream of Thought (With Bullets. Without Bullets Gave Me Hives)

-I want this post to be titled Stream of Consciouness but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to spell it.  Is it even a word? Does anyone know what I'm trying to say?

-We got back from Scotland late last night.  Late, for me, means after seven thirty.  BIG PIMPIN.  We unpacked the cold groceries we got at Croughton and I threw in ONE load of laundry (which is the equivalent of taking ONE plastic play bucket and getting ONE bucketful of water when you're trying to empty the ENTIRE ocean) and then raced to the couch to watch Walking Dead.  TV here is REALLY strange.  I thought it was bad in Guam, where we had to wait until Monday night to watch shows that aired on Sunday night, but man was I stupid.  And spoiled.  Guam had American TV, just a day later.  CBS, NBC, AMC, you name it, Guam had it.  Except CW, but since I haven't watched CW since my sophomore year of college (I'm lying) I didn't care. (Another lie.) Here, they have 4, 4E, 5, 5 Magic (not really)- it's all very random.  And the shows they pick to air are also very random.  Some stuff just isn't there at all (Suburgatory, how I miss you) and a lot of stuff is playing from America's fall lineup (like, the beginning of the How I Met Your Mother current season, if that makes sense) and then some stuff is playing on time, but a week later.  So, America got the mid season premiere of Walking Dead last Sunday night, we got it Friday night.  Same with Girls and that new show The Following.  And Elementary starts next week, so that's like a month behind.  Very random.

Bored to tears yet? BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

There's this show we found called the Inbetweeners and it's on UK Netflix and we basically just sit there and watch it and laugh until we cry.  It's rare (not THAT rare, but not an everyday thing) that Nick and I laugh at the same time about things.  The Office (the OLD office, not the new crap without Michael Scott) and Napolean Dynamite are the only things I can think of right now that we're perfectly synched on, but there's got to be more.  We're soul mates, after all.

Anyway.  The Inbetweeners.  Not for the feint of heart.  It's four high school boys who just want to have sex, and in lieu of actually HAVING sex, they just talk about sex instead.  In British accents, using British lingo.  "She's FIT." We just watched the one about Caravan Club ("it's like a massive orgy") before we left for Scotland, so then every time we saw a sign for caravans (that's what they call RVs here, so we saw about fourteen million on the eight hour drive) we burst into laughter and it was fun and quaint and wildly inappropriate because we usually also shouted "I fingered a girl there" and our four children were in the backseat wondering if we'd lost our minds and probably storing up that line to repeat to another adult in the worst situation imaginable.  Like at their fancy private British schools.

Anyway. Figure out a way to watch it.  There's only like twenty episodes, maybe you can buy it on iTunes.  NOT THE AMERICAN VERSION.  It has to be the British one.

Aha!! Found it on iTunes.  It's sort of expensive, but SO WORTH IT.

-I uploaded my pics every night in Scotland and deleted the crap ones, and I was left with four hundred and twenty.  So instead of tackling THAT, I dragged out the laptop and I'm sitting at the table ignoring my kids and the DISASTER zone that is my house and rambling on and ON on my blog instead.  Although I am switching out the laundry.  I think with both sets of washers running all day, I might be caught up by Saturday.

-Not having Pandora is by far the hardest adjustment to moving here.  Any UK readers (a girl can dream, no?) is there anything like Pandora? I found Deezer, but it's not as good and since I have a season pass to Fresh Beat Band (represent!!) I can't switch to UK iTunes and download the app, so it's basically useless unless I'm sitting at the computer.

-When all is said and done, I've gained twelve pounds since the beginning of October.  I knew I was packing on some weight, but I was a little surprised that it was THAT much.  I just don't feel like getting up early to exercise, and I cherish my twenty minutes in bed with my Beloved Lamp, so I don't want to give that up.  And I just really like eating Doritoes and cookies, so that doesn't help either.  I'm trying to get back into making green smoothies, and I'm going to talk to Nick about working out in the evenings as soon as he gets home from work (I don't want to wait until the kids go to bed, because that will cut into the time we have on the couch watching The Inbetweeners) but I don't know if he's going to want to get home and be on Full Time Dad Duty as soon as he walks through the door.  I also want a treadmill, but I can see him reading this RIGHTNOW and he's mumbling a treadmill?!?! Is she INSANE?!?! Doesn't she remember when we had one, and she never used it, so we got an EFX instead, and she never used that either?!?! But this time will be DIFFERENT!!! My baby sister is running a marathon and that's really getting under my skin, so I'm going to be a runner now too!!

Or at least walk for twenty minutes while I watch The Inbetweeners.  Either one.  And honey, this way YOU can use it too!! You can run without being cold or wet or having to fight off foxes!!

So yeah.  Something must be done.  I'm bursting out of my clothes, and has free shipping on ALLTHETHINGS so I've spent approximately fourteen million pounds since we got here, so there's no room left in the budget for new clothes that can hold in my girth.

Speaking of girth, I finally bit the bullet and ordered some spanx.  I got the ones that go from just under your boobs down to mid thigh.  I wore them under my fave skinny jeans the other day and I'm not sure how much good they did because I was so dizzy from getting into them, and then they were so tight that I took them off after about an hour.  I'm going to ease into them this week.  Hopefully.

-Speaking of spanx, you know all those websites that are all "dress for the day you want to have!! Don't spend the day in jamies!! Brush your hair!! Put on mascara!!!" I've always hated those.  I mean, ever since I was in like junior high, the first thing I've done when I walked through the door after school was rip my jeans off and get some pajama pants on.  I understand the idea, that if you're dressed, you'll feel like an actual person, instead of a useless lump of Stay At Home blech, but I don't get the putting it into practice aspect.  Am I supposed to shower first thing and then get dressed and stay that way? Then when do I work out? Or do I run the kids to school in yoga pants, come home and shower and THEN get dressed? What if I work out in the evening, do I take TWO showers? That seems silly.  And these aren't rhetorical, I'm looking for a way to make this work.

And I'm secretly hoping that the solution is that I MUST get a pair of lulumon yoga pants and then all my problems will be solved and I'll be stylish and successful AND comfortable all day and all my wildest dreams will come true.  So make sure you work that into your suggestions, that way I can drag Nick over and say "SEE?!?! I NEED THEM!!!" And he'll order me four pairs AND a treadmill for my birthday.

-While typing this out, I have consumed four cups of coffee and the kids have destroyed the playroom and the office and I think the garage.  I have the shakes, my heart is skipping every fifth beat, and my right ear (which is STILL clogged up from my ear infection that I got antibiotics for TEN DAYS AGO!! Fuck antibiotics, I  knew I should have followed my instincts!!) is sort of pulsing and making this rushing water sound to the beat of Ava bossing all the other kids around.  The only logical solution is to combat all that caffein with a bag of Cool Ranch doritoes and a glass of water and maybe some of the jumbo Easter egg marshmellows we got yesterday.  Did you know it's marshMAllows? Not marshMEllows? That's stupid.

-Engelbrecht out.  Hold on to your butts, because my next post may very well contain four hundred pictures. You're welcome in advance.

-Also, I'm in the middle of redesigning my blog AGAIN.  Apparently, it's my thang.  But I want it to look professional, but I don't want to pay someone.  Can anyone offer me a crash course in graphic design and HTML codes? Pretty please?


  1. -Consciousness. You just forgot one letter! And the only reason I'm good at spelling it is because I've had to write "stream of consciousness" a billion freaking times in my child psych and education classes.

    -The Inbetweeners is on US Netflix too! But there are only 12 episodes. Sounds hysterical and wildly inappropriate-- my favorite kind of show. ;) Have you ever watched Skins?! The UK version, not the trashy US version they tried to create. It's on Netflix. JT got me addicted to it a few years ago. SO GOOD. It's basically about a bunch of British teens having sex and doing drugs and cussing a lot. But something about it is so good. I only watched the first generation (UK has generations, not seasons I guess?) because I got so attached to the characters that I just couldn't go on and watch the 2nd generation.

    -I hate those "dress for the day you want to have" people. I seem to have some great days in yoga pants. But since I work at a preschool now, I (sometimes) try to look less like a college kid and wear something other than leggings and yoga pants with a tshirt/sweatshirt. Not my fault it's so damn comfy. ANYWAY. If you workout in the morning, then workout, shower, and get dressed for the day. If you don't, it seems ridiculous to try and be all ready before you bring your kids to school unless you are continuing your day after that. If you aren't continuing your day right after you drop them off, then drive in your yoga pants and then come home and get ready for the day. If you are a morning shower person and you workout in the evening, then yes, you take two showers. It's annoying as hell, in case you were wondering. BUT if you don't have terrible hair like mine and are a night shower person, then you just get ready in the morning without showering and don't shower until after your workout that night.

    -I looked up those yoga pants. Maybe it's just because I'm a broke college student taking out a million loans just to get a degree in a something that pays NOTHING, but those things are EXPENSIVE!! Holy shit. Lucky you! But I think the treadmill is a good idea!! So you can show Nick my comment because I totally think he should buy you one. (But maybe you shouldn't show him the part where I mentioned how expensive those yoga pants are.)

    1. They are RIDICULOUSLY expensive. That was the point. Maybe designer yoga pants will make me look awesome? All the women here are gorgeous and thin and blow out their hair even though we always have to wear hats. It's depressing. Guess that's what I get for sending Ava to a school that costs more than my out of state tuition for Auburn.

      There's only 18 episodes of Inbetweeners :( If you watch the first one and you don't think it's HILARIOUS, go to season two (they call them series, not seasons, isn't that weird?) and watch Field Trip. I laughed so hard last night I LITERALLY cried. Highly inappropriate, so don't watch it with people you might be uncomfortable with.

  2. Love Inbetweeners, also Fresh Meat, Skins UK and Misfits. I love British television. Also if you want trashy reality I got hooked on "The Only Way is Essex" on my last visit there.

    1. LOVE Skins UK!!! I was just telling her about that one! Love it.

  3. Looks like I might have to check out Skins. I don't really ever get into reality (except for some reason, I am OBSESSED with Giulanna and Bill, it's weird!!) but I'm pretty bored, so maybe I'll give it a go.

    1. Also, all the series I mentioned are, shall we say, littered with profanity. Misfits especially, which I love. British cursing is WAY better. Chav just sounds cooler than slut!

  4. grrrr. i just erased a long comment.
    forgive the brevity, typing it all out a 2nd time around is less charming.
    try pseudoephedrine for your ears.
    try this tutorial for your blog--uses (free) picasa.
    try the yoga pants and cute workout shirt idea--wear it all day and put on lip gloss. That way you're ready to roll should you choose to work out and you also look like one of those cool sporty moms when you're out and about. i sound like the cat in the hat.
    a thought about the treadmill: make a deal with yourself--use the efx every day for 14 days and if you still want the treadmill, make it happen.

  5. spotify is way better than pandora! i was missing pandora when we got here too & then my hubs told me about spotify - blows pandora away!! oh & i really really want some lulumon yoga pants too!! no way in hell i'll get them, but here's to dreaming! oh & yeah, i agree, i can't believe how done up all the british women are here - ugh.