Saturday, September 7, 2013

Sept 7: Operation: Get my Sh*t Together (Continued)

*Basically the most random, useless post ever. And I've been typing it sentence by sentence over the past three months, making it even MORE random and useless.*

Well, what can I say. We've had company all summer (which I love, is that weird? People keep giving me the sad eye, like oh you poor thing, MORE company? But I love it! People to help with the kids!! Grownups to talk to during the day!! Fun places to visit! Practicing with my new camera!! COMPANY FOREVER!!!) so I haven't really been getting any of my shit together.

But honestly, raise your hand if you think I'd be getting it together if I hadn't had guests all summer.
That's what I thought.

Mostly, what I'm doing INSTEAD of getting my shit together is warping nice philosophies about getting shit together.

For example, there's something very pinterest worthy about good moms have sticky floors.  Meaning, I assume, that it's okay to blow off housework if you need to snuggle a baby or play trains with your toddler, if you need to have a heart to heart with your seven year old or go on a mama son date with your preschooler.

I am blowing off housework to lay on the couch and watch nine episodes in a row of the Mindy Project while my children destroy the playroom.

Another popular philosophy has something to do with moderation being the key to life. Like, eat healthy MOST of the time, and splurge every now and then.

I am currently forcing down a pulpy juice made of carrots and spinach. Yesterday for lunch I had three bowls of Cocoa Krispies, half a family sized bag of Tostitos, and two diet cokes. Over the weekend, I ate magnum bars and cheesecake for dessert, and I'm currentlyhalfway through a Costco tub of red vines (you know, the wrong kind of licorice?) I keep taking my uber expensive vitamins and supplements with my sugar free, nothing natural, all chemical coffee creamer.

I feel like this isn't really moderation.

I just want things to be like in a movie. You know, like in the Cutting Edge when they start training for the Olympics. Cool (haha) song, clips of them jogging, getting up early, the ice packs on her hips, together on the ice...but the montage only takes two minutes.  And it shows MONTHS worth of work.

I want the montage. I want a cool song playing in the background and just a FEW clips of me exercising and eating vegetables, of me organizing the playroom and sorting out my craft room, a few shots of me sacking up all the excess in the house and taking it to Goodwill.

Then a cut to the finished project: my gorgeous, gleaming new body, lounging in my gorgeously organized house, while my well behaved children frolic in the garden. See kids, watching too much tv CAN ruin your life!!! Unrealistic expectations.  Ugh.

I can't even really blame most of this on the kids.  I couldn't keep my room clean when I was little, my college dorm was a disaster zone, and my home before children (the six months Nick was gone anyway) consisted of arranged piles of stuff EVERYWHERE. I don't know why I feel like gathering everything into a pile counts as anything.

I'm not a hoarder. I throw stuff out ALL TIME TIME. It just doesn't seem to make a dent. I WANT to be organized.  I spend HOURS designing charts and cleaning schedules, planning menus, pinning the best ways to arrange the pantry...all to no avail.  I even have my cleaning schedule posted on the fridge.

Wanna know the last time I dusted? I think it was in February.

I can keep up with the laundry just fine. I just can't seem to handle actually putting it away.

I'm just so tired. I don't even know what the point of this post is. I guess I'm hoping that seeing it in print will motivate me to get up and do something? Don't count on it. In actuality, as soon as I close this out, I'm gonna step around the four baskets of folded clothes, brush the crumbs off the counter so I can get another cup of coffee, and log in to feedly so I can look at how clean and tidy and perfect Blogworld is and feel awful about myself.

Oh, and side note? The stupid kids are watching Toy Story 3, so I'll be a sobbing mess in about twenty minutes. FML.

Engelbrecht out.

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