Sunday, April 20, 2014

Bullets at the HQ

-After doing nothing but  READREADREAD for the past few weeks, I'm stalling out on Eleanor&Park. It's not that it's not good...I just don't feel like reading. I'm all read-ed out.  It happens, I suppose. It happens to me anyway.  It just sucks because what I want to do INSTEAD of reading all the things all day long is sit on the couch drinking coffee and working on my scrapbook. But for some reason pse is CONSTANTLY crashing on the laptop. So I can pull up a page and place ONE photo and then BOOM, gone. It's a race to see if I can hit SAVE before the crash. Seriously, it's that bad. But is it pse or the laptop itself? Apple seems secretly notorious for making their shit crap out after a few years so you have to buy new stuff.  We have an original iPad and you can't put the newest operating system (?? is that a thing??) on it. How is that fair?

I love apple, but I feel slightly cheated. Have they hoodwinked me? But what are my options? After using my macbook for just a few weeks back in the summer of 2010 (WOW) I tried to use our PC and it was like trying to use a chisel and a stone. So I can't exactly go back. But what, I have to pay for new shit every few years? That's not fair!!

If, however, it's a problem with pse and THEY have this evil plan to make you replace THEIR shit every few years, I'm even MORE fucked. I downloaded a new trial of pse 11 or 12, whatever they're on now, and it's SO different that I couldn't use it.

I don't know if you know this little secret about me, so I'll share. Lean in, I want to whisper it: I don't like change.

I know. It's shocking.

-Jennifer. Could this post be ANY less interesting?

Why yes. Yes it can.

It was bound to happen (and one night it did- name that tune!!!) but I wasn't expecting it to happen overseas where I have no access to Pottery Barn and everything is expensive as shit. We have outgrown our sofa. We cannot all six sit on our couch to watch tv.

I know, right? Six people don't fit on one couch?

It's true, it's true. Sigh.

I knew, as I kept getting knocked up over and over and OVER again, that one day we'd have to get a sectional sofa, which I hate and are so ugly. But having a sofa and loveseat just seems stupid, and I doubt we'd ever be able to fit that anyway, considering we'll have to make room for Big Ugly forever and always.
Our beloved Laz-E-Boy. She's UGLY in all
 caps, but OHHHH we love her so.
I have naturally taken to Pinterest. We might be stateside as early as next January (please God, no!! NO!!!!) so I might as well have a plan, no?

I'll share another little tidbit you surely already know: I'm not only uninteresting in the big stuff, I'm boring in the trivial as well.  My favorite colors, in order, are beige, deeper darker beige, light brown, grey, dark grey, light grey, dark brown, and burnt orange.  I also like a deep green, but just a tiny splash here and there.  I love to scroll through gorgeous interior design blogs (a few faves here here and here, if you're interested. Oh, and here, but she's redoing her house and hasn't posted much amazeness lately.) but when it comes to my own home, there's only one thing I want: I want my home to look like a Pottery Barn catalogue.  Completely uninspired and generic, filled with browns and beiges and the occasional greys. Remember on Friends when Phoebe is mad because she hates Pottery Barn? SHE CRAY. Uniformity and genericism (new word I just made up) are THE BOMB DOT COM.

While most sectionals are still quite ugly, here's a few I could live with.  If you're considering having Too Many Children, don't forget to take your home decor into account when deciding whether or not to go for gold.

Original image here at PB, naturally. 
I would want this in one of the darker colors. In fact, you can assume that for anything I post ever. I also want it to cost a LOT less. I feel like if you're going with a big box chain like PB, it should be massively cheaper.

That link doesn't go anywhere. I cannot STAND that!! It just goes to a giant image blown up. Don't be lazy!! Track it down. I will track it down. Just not right now. Okay fine, I tried. I think it might be this, but I can't find that picture of it in a living room ANYWHERE.

This one is getting into the ugly frumpy that I associate with sectionals and hate, but I love the giant ottoman and all the pillows, so it was worth a pin.

Original image here, but it's not a store, it's just a design board thing.
Anyway. I could do this all day, but really, this is getting out-of-control-boring, even for me.  I'm just getting super nervous about Nick's board in May, and he keeps gently reminding me that screening is a very real (and fifty percent likely) possibility, so I need to be prepared. And planning our Future Home is a way to calm my nerves. As a side note to this incredible ramble of a side note post, we don't say Forever Home. I grew up in the military, moving every few years until I was twelve and my parents settled in the God forsaken wasteland that is Biloxi. I love moving, LOVE IT. So we don't plan on staying anywhere for too long, even once he gets out.  Anyone know of a job that pays to move you all around the world like the military? Anyone? <crickets> Dammit.

-For another mindnumbinly boring bullet, I have been on the hunt for a blazer since like September. All the fashion blogs (because I read those, while sitting here in yoga pants and a ratty threadbare Auburn tee) were ALL about the blazer. I know own three.  None of them fit, and I've never worn any of them out of the house. I just ordered the last one from thredup, and it has to go back, and I refuse to buy another one EVER. My arms are too fat, my boobs are too small, I can't move, I can't breathe, it's a TRAIN WRECK. It HAS to stop.

So. What to do?

Apparently I need a denim jacket. Because it's 1987 again.

My mother tried to get us into All Denim All Day for our entire childhoods. She just needed to wait it out a few years, then she could have struck gold. GOLD Jerry!!
Original image here

I love Pinterest Told Me To, even though she's petite and perky and apparently quite wealthy. Our styles don't match up, but I like how she seems pretty down to earth.  For a fashion blogger.  I've ordered a few things on her recommendation and honestly, they've all been fantastic. Some socks for my toms that I can't find her post for, but they were these and I love them, the ultra wide leggings, and a few things from the Gap. She gets most of her stuff from Nordstrom and I haven't ordered anything from them yet, but I might just get this jacket she swears by. Her original Must Have is like a bleached acid wash, and I don't care HOW in-style those get, I will NEVER wear one, you mark my words. Not gonna do it.

But honestly. A demin jacket? Is this REALLY a thing? Do people really wear them? I don't want to look like a fool. But I have about eleventy billion maxi dresses from Guam and Hawaii and it's NOT warm enough to wear them alone here, even in the dead of July, and I'm getting sick of All Cardigans All the Time.

-And that is LITERALLY all that's on my mind. My kids all go back to school on Wednesday and I cannot WAIT. They're not really bothering me that much, but I want my routine back. Junebug is out of sorts and the only thing I can figure is that she's fed up with the lack of routine as well.

And before you say duh, Jennifer, can't you just implement your routine even though everyone is on break? Not just no but fuck no. I refuse to EVER give up the chance to sleep in. Ever. The day I do that, you have my permission to slap some sense back in to me.


  1. Not even gonna pretend to know what screening is or the other naval lingo...but I hope you guys get to stay in London for awhile so I can follow you on all of your travels. Plus postcards! ha
    Also, we've been looking at the possibility of getting a sectional for our family...six on a sofa is a NO...and it makes me nauseous to think about. Further, I like a good brown leather myself for easy clean up and a big, fat leather, vomit. If you find a sectional...I can't wait to see it!

  2. That second pic looks really similar to our Sectional from Costco. At ours, when they carry furniture, they have a huge jumbo modular one for $999 or a smaller but still huge non-modular tufted one for about $700. But they're not online, so that's kinda lame.