Monday, April 27, 2015

Dear Diary (Or "Random Bullshit Swarming Around in my Head")

I have a tactile...thing. Part of it is that I'm so fat, but even when I was a teenager and skinny, first thing I did after school was take my jeans off.  Every day.  It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older and more mentally ill.  I'd go so far as to say it's my main symptom- when I get really anxious, when my depression starts to get the better of me, it's my skin that lets me know before anything else that something is just WRONG. Which, I guess, is sort of nice actually, because (in theory) I can get ahead of it.

I don't like my arms to be restricted at all.  I need (yes NEED) to be able to lift my arms all the way over my head without any hinderance. And without my bra riding up. A cami for some reason really helps with that, the ones with the bra shelf? Who knows. But this ruined my life and cost me a fortune when I was on a hunt for a cool blazer to wear.  Remember when that was like the thing to have? Well spoiler alert, they don't make a blazer where you can lift your arms.  I ended up with a jean jacket that's two sizes to big, but dammit if I can't lift my arms as high as you'd ever want.  Which really, why would you want to unless you're Captain Crazy Pants? Ugh.

I don't like my jeans (which I hardly ever wear because of the fat issue) to sink down off my hips. I like to be able to do a full deeeeeeep sumo squat without my pants all.  Hence, my plethora of leggings and yoga pants and maxi dresses.

But. More than ANYTHING else in the entire world, I cannot handle the tags in my clothes.  Why are we still having tags in our clothes?!?! I know they can make tagless shirts because I've seen them!! But instead, they're making tags out of what I can only assume is ground up glass and stitching them into the collars of my shirts with some sort of mega strong stainless steel super thread. As soon as I get my clothes in the mail, I grab my seam ripper and go after those little fuckers. Why are they so hard to remove?!?! And why do they STITCH tags into knitted sweaters and cardigans?!?! More than half the time, I ned up with a giant hole in the sweater from not being careful enough.


So, that's my random confession for the week.  My weirdo mental issues that manifest as tactile...things.


  1. Oh I can kind of commiserate. I went through a no tight neck shirt type of thing. A turtleneck and I literally might've died of panic!
    My crazy person super power is to get up each day with big, BIG plans to run errands, clean up, & tackle projects. Then I get my coffee and sit down. I read stuff on my phone, check emails, watch a show I DVR'd, make handwritten lists of all I'm gonna do, etc. Then nothing. Later I get disappointed and ashamed that I got nothing done all day.
    Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

    1. I DO THAT TOO!!! Seriously, I spend SO MUCH TIME writing out these gorgeous to do lists. Why?!??! Why do we do this!?!?!