Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Present Moment


Because I wouldn't call myself an inheriently 'joyful' or 'joyous' person, when Mama Kat's prompts came thru yesterday, I never would have imagined I'd pick 'what is the joy in your present moment?' But it nagged at me all day yesterday, and all morning so far, so I figured I might as well just go for it.

Life is good.  And that's almost...uncomfortable...for me.  I'm a pessimist, a Negative Nancy, dare I say even a Debbie Downer? My default seems to be to assume the worst.

But again, life right now? It's good. And that makes me feel EXTREMELY guilty! So stupid, but I can't help it.  There's women out there who desperately want a baby but for whatever reason aren't pregnant. I hate my kids, and I got pregnant four times without a hitch, carried to term, and had four gorgeous completely healthy kids. There's girls out there who married monsters, who's lives are falling apart in the worst ways imaginable, and me and my buddy Nick snuggle up together every day to recite lines of Friends together. My best flesh and blood friend, who was born here and has family here and loves it here has to leave after just eighteen months so her husband can go do what I can only imagine is the WORST job in the entire Navy next, and I get to stay for an extra two years, and so far, my husband never has to go out to sea again.

It doesn't make any sense to me.  Why am I so blessed? Why are other people, better people, so unlucky?

I guess to be the typical sappy stay at home mom blogger, I should state the obvious: that I should cherish my good fortune, pay it forward, be grateful every day for my life.  And I am, I really am grateful, pinky promise. But as lame as it sounds, and as much as I'd screen shot this if someone else said it so I could text Angela and Holly and we could laugh at her, I really should stop and smell the roses more often.

I have four healthy kids. Who all go to school (for free!) leaving me alone to do as I please for hours every single weekday. I have hot coffee to drink, and hot water to shower with, and cold Cherry Coke Zero in the fridge for lunch. I have a room full of fabric that other people paid for that I get to tear apart and sew back together, to use my hands to create, and damn does that feel good. I have a stack of (free!!) library books to take me to other worlds.


So maybe, just every now and then, instead of rolling my eyes and screen shotting happy people to laugh at them later, I should...follow suite? I can't help that girl who can't get pregnant, but maybe I can try to enjoy my kiddos a little more, for her sake. I can try to quit taking Nick for granted, for the sake of the woman who's stuck with a dick. I can make an effort of soak all the badass things about London because some people can't.

Okay, I probably won't magically turn into one of those soft spoken, joyous women.  But I can try, at least a little bit.

Linking up for Mama Kat's Writers's Workshop again.  Ya'll, these are super fun, you should totally try one.

12 comments:

  1. Gosh, Its like you got in my head and wrote everything I think about down. You really made me think that its time to slow down and enjoy what I have because I have a lot.... and you know us pessimists struggle with real appreciation unless its poking fun at the optimists because, well, they are weird... Good read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is fun to make fun of those weirdos isn't it... ;)

      Delete
  2. You speak the language of my people :)
    I get you completely.
    It's funny because I am stuck in a group text hell and I can't for the life of me get out. And it's all rainbows and glitter and my toddler just shit up the wall but it's cute cause he tried to write I love you in it using the cats tail! And I'm all No. Nope. Nah. No way. Stupid. And cue Negative Nancy. I can't help it!
    Lady Gaga made me this way ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We should get tee shirts: Lady Gaga Made Me This Way. I'm on it.

      Delete
  3. yes to hot coffee! that should be the definition of joy

    ReplyDelete
  4. stop your mouth...this "better people" stuff, deserving better than you. do whaaaa?! you know that's bunk. you're the king's daughter. and me too. and all this sucks sometimes but every once in a while, it's pretty great too. good for you. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Well of course you're right...but sometimes that's hard to remember when I'm in the thick of LIFE. Thanks for the reminder ;)

      Delete
  5. My default is definitely "negative" too, but I don't think that's always a bad thing. Negative people are way cooler to hang out with and have way more interesting things to say. But I get your point and I would like to do the same at least to some extent. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was positive for a few hours, it was exhausting. Negative is just easier. And more realistic anyway.

      Delete
  6. I liked your observations. I'm a fairly positive person, but when life gets hard I try to remind myself that when all is said and done, I've got nothing to complain about. Glad things are going well for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks!! Things really are awesome. And seriously, I'm going to try to make a point to remember that.

      Delete