Friday, May 22, 2015

Hipster Projects for my Hipster Mason Jars

Not only are these Hipster Projects for Hipster Mason Jars, they're all alliterations!! That's gotta mean something, right? Body Butter, Sugar Scrub, and Coffee Creamer.  I'm sort of freaking out over here.  I need more alliterative projects in my life.

First, my favorite: Coffee Creamer.

It's no secret that I love coffee creamer.  Case in point:

So it's not like I'm against chemicals in my coffee or fake dairy or anything like that.  HOWEVER comma, apparently the British do not share my affinity for almost-white-coffee because they don't use creamer.  Or even cream.  Just milk.  So I get a hundred little cannisters of coffeemate sugar free vanilla powder whenever we go to base.  Fine and dandy.

Another HOWEVER comma, you can't dissolve vanilla coffeemate powder in iced coffee.  I've tried. And I can't bulk stock the liquid version because we only have two fridges.  Hence, having to make my own.  Necessity really IS the mother of invention.  Or rather, necessity is the mother of going on pinterest and copying someone else's invention.  But that doesn't sound as poetic.

I started here, on one of my favorite blogs (she's so fabulous, search thru till you find her new haircut.  SO RAD, I'm so jealous bc I could never pull it off.) where she mentioned that she uses this recipe for her own creamer (they live in Africa and I guess coffeemate might be hard to come by there too?) and she loves it. But you know me and my love for chemicals, so I wanted a fake sugar substitute version bc while I don't mind the five hundred grams of fat in condensed milk (fat is back in, didn't you know? It keeps you full!) I don't like to drink entire cups of sugar bc it gives me a terrible tummy ache.  SOOOO I followed to this recipe where you make your own condensed milk with chemicals instead of sugar.  The end.

I didn't actually taste the homemade condensed milk bc I mixed it all together at once, but I'm drinking a cup of iced coffee right now and it's fab, so I'm good to go.

I did it like this, if you're interested.

Into your trusty blender (I have a vitamix because I am a total badass, but I'm sure this would work in a run of the mill walmart blender bc there's nothing thick or heavy in it) dump these things:

-3/4 cup boiling water (I guestimated this into my kettle then just dumped it as soon as it started to boil)

-1 cup of Stevia (or the generic stevia type stuff)

-6 tablespoons of butter (here's the fat.  It'll keep you full though!! It's good! Fat is back!)

-2 2/3 cup nonfat dry milk powder (I found mine in the baking aisle here, but I don't know where it would be in the real world. I was actually surprised to find it here at all.)

-2 cups of milk (Ours is 'semi skimmed, which I think is probably two percent)

-some vanilla extract

-some Torani sugar free vanilla

Blend until it's the consistency you want, then pour into your mason jars.  Be careful bc it's hot bc you used boiling water you dummy.

The first four ingredients are for the 'homemade sweetened condensed milk' recipe, then the milk and vanilla are from the 'homemade creamer' part. I just didn't see the point in doing it separately, so I did it together.  I'm wild like that. 

And ps, for my iced coffee, I dump six scoops of grounds into a french press, add water, leave it to sit for twelve hours (give or take) overnight, press it, then pour it into yet another mason jar and stick it in the fridge.  Presto, iced coffee for two days, maybe three.

Next up, the Sugar Scrub. I cannot even put into words how amazing I find this.

For some reason, my crazy manifests in my skin. The more depressed I get, the more I LITERALLY want to claw my skin off.  The more anxious I get, the more often my skin LITERALLY feels like it's crawling, like things are actually CRAWLING, not on top of my skin, but JUST below it.  Ugh.  It's awful, and I'll scratch enough to draw blood if I'm not under control. Which is doubly gross because I also bite my fingernails, and you know they say a human mouth is grosser than a dogs?!?

Anyway.  Using this scrub feels like rubbing my arms and legs with sandpaper, and I mean that in the best possible way.  Maybe if you're not crazy, tone down the sugar? I love it as gritty as I can get it without it just being a jar of sugar. I feel like it's a safe (and extremely effective) way to get that release I get from digging my fingernails into my skin, without drawing blood, or even hurting myself at all.  Actually, my skin feels AMAZING, the coconut oil sticks to it and sinks in, and it just smells amazing.  Sigh.  I try to only use it three times a week, but if I'm honest, if I have a crap day, I jump in the shower as soon as the kids are in bed to sandpaper my skin.

Crazy man, it makes life so interesting, doesn't it?

You can google it, but it's pretty basic: spoon some coconut oil into your mason jar and melt it (I used the microwave, but Pinterest seems to be having a love affair with double boilers?). Then add your essential oils. I used ten drops each of lavender and lemon in my last jar. Then start scooping in some regular sugar and stir it up, keep adding sugar until it gets to how you want it.  Stick it in your shower and pray your son doesn't knock the glass jar off the shelf when he's in there playing Spiderman Gets Wet.

And last, the Body Butter.

I gotta say, I'm not the hugest fan.  My go-to lotion is this aveeno itch relief and this hippie coconut oil shit ain't got NOTHING on that. I like the way it feels going on, but it only lasts about three hours.  Then my skin is sort of dry.  It doesn't have that special something that the Aveeno has (cough chemicals cough) that sort of makes a barrier layer on my skin. I don't know.  Should I try coco butter instead of shea? Should I be adding something else?

I do like to put this on at night, I'll give it that.  It just doesn't cut it as my regular, daily lotion.

So, there you go.  I haven't decided if it's more that I want to become a hippie mama, or that I'm cheap and sick of paying shipping for my fave products, but I'm leaning towards the latter.  Next up, I'm trying to find a foot cream and a hard lotion bar to toss in my knitting bag.  Wish me luck!!


I said WISH it!!

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